Prelogue
Few weeks ago, I wrote an entry entitled "Pre-marital Intimacy", which is incomplete so that I add the missing second part of it.
The term "Co-habitation" in this entry means pre-marital co-habitation or to cohabit without marriage. Due to the fact that this life-style is outdated already in many other countries, Vietnamese people still see it as immoral. In short, cohabitation is unaccredited in such a deeply feudal country because it defies against the culture.
Vietnamese culture disallows people to cohabit before marriage but the national law does not state this life-style illegal. Cohabitation becomes illegal only in the case the joiners are already married to other people. Hence, I will only analyze cohabitation based on safe cases: cohabitants are single in marital status or divorcees. Moreover, cohabitants should be above 16 years old or else they break the national law. Before going deep into analysis, there is one important issue should be clarified here: is cohabitation immoral? Or isn't it?
Moral or Immoral?
From the past, Vietnamese culture allows men to have more than one wife whose average ages could range from 12 to 16---unbelievably young! Nowadays, the country seems to be civilized a little bit since it sets the law in which punishes people who have more than one spouse. In the meantime, the law also claims it is illegal for people to have sex under the age of 16. It is completely contrary to the past, as you can see. But it is funny that if our predecessors see a model of family with multiple spouses whose ages are young is just normal and natural, modern people in current society see it immoral!??
Where does the code of morality originate from? Of course, it is ingrained from generations to generations over the time. It is historical! So why people consider cohabitation and early sex are immoral now? If they insist it is immoral so the predecessors are all immoral, too? Is it funny? Paradoxically, people are living the modern life but they are less open-minded compared to their ancestors. We are having a bigger life, but getting smaller brains.
The truth is that Vietnamese people don't even have ourselves an official, national-widely accredited code of morality at all. What people are keep calling "Morality" is simply a ridiculous concept which is set by a group of people who distractingly state themselves as patronized class in the society. They empower themselves to judge others to be immoral even they don't bother thinking that they are ones who go against their own culture. Over the time, this spontaneous rule becomes prevailing just because many people are too weak to resist it, and they end up unreasonably assenting. Reluctantly.
What I am all implying about is that cohabitation---and of course pre-marital sex, which already proved in previous entry---is NOT immoral. If you do not accept it, just shut your mouth up! Firstly, do not bring "morality" here to support for your own conservative viewpoint. Morality does not concern. Secondly, do not tell me that it is against the national culture because our, aka Vietnamese, culture does accept cohabitation as well as early sex. Looking back the past and learn to appreciate our history!
After all, once cohabitants do not break the laws, no one can have the right to judge them. You can realize there are many bunches of hypocrites in the society who jointly form Vietnam as a hypocritical nation. It is our shame, even you posit it or not.
Why disapproves cohabitation?
Beside the misconception of immorality, people have other reasons to disapprove cohabitation. I myself support some of those.
In general, cohabitation is usually emerging among the young people, especially students. In the limited extent of this entry, I just wanna talk about the young's cohabitation who still not get married. The fact is that many cohabitants still do not prepare themselves necessary knowledge and skills before getting involved into living with another people. Cohabitation results in the increasing rate of abortion, the alarmingly number of self-murderers and other social maladies. All stem from the bad education system, as I already said once in previous entry.
Responsibility is what most cohabitants lack of. Many of them volunteer to cohabit but are not responsible enough to jointly solve when facing difficulties happen. With the thought that they are still not official spouses, they seem to forget to promote their cohabiting lives as happy as possible. Essentially, cohabitation and marriage are the same, the thing differs them is just a wedding---a formal procedure. Apparently, Vietnamese young people distinguish clearly between a spouse and a cohabitant and consequently leads to different attitudes---respect or disrespect---toward the person they are living with. Many blokes view his cohabitants as someone they just are playing with, not their serious relationships which deserve a full respect. They can dump their cohabitants whenever they want, as boys say. I think it is a REAL problem of morality!
Furthermore, many girls who agree to cohabit with their men turn out to be not ready enough. They misconceive the people they live with and only after sharing their lives could they understand how bad their partners are. Being given bad treatment and unfair behaviors, girls feel regretful and easily get both spiritual and physical pains which lead their lives to hell. It is, again, a REAL problem of morality. Society always strikes its unjust prejudice towards women if they have lived with other men before their husbands. Thus, in order to live okay under a feudal society like Vietnam, women who wanna cohabit should be aware of people's criticism and consider whether they can stand on it or not.
Being irresponsible, people easily lose their love affairs after cohabiting. They are open-minded enough to voluntarily cohabit but not open-minded enough to accept their partners' weakness or bad sides revealed during the cohabiting life. They have an illusive hope to make their lives happy when living with their lovers but they are not ready to compromise each other in dealing conflicts. In most of the case of breakups, cohabitants are all defending for their strong, egoistic personalities instead of calming down to sympathize each other. Also, as said, with the thought that they have not married yet, they do not need to preserve the relationship and end up ruining it once they realize how different they are. Easy comes, easy goes.
All of the above issues to say that many young people are having troubles with their attitudes of cohabitation. Lack of knowledge to have a safe sex leads to bad consequences afterward, lack of necessary responsibility leads to inevitable breakup, lack of sympathy and respect to each other and so on. No wonder why people disapprove cohabitation.
Think seriously before you react!
Why approves cohabitation?
However, cohabitation has good side. It is a sign of love's sublimation to which a couple show each other. Cohabitation makes people be closer and sometime it is a memorable time in one's life. Love-based cohabitation is romantic and very special for lovers to get to know each other better, as well as to experience their harmony. Life is harsh and sometime we need someone stays beside us, cohabitation is ideal this way! Still, cohabitation can teach people to be responsible since they are not living for their own but for others, too.
Practically, cohabitation also solves a very big deal to most of the adolescents: sex need. Yes, sex need! People need and want sex, by cohabiting they satisfy their basic instinct. It is natural to the up-growth of human being and I have no idea but to support it.
Cohabitation without official wedding is convenient. Many married people get stuck in their marriage since they don't feel good being with their partners, but fear of divorcing due to the social prejudice. Cohabitation is great this way, people can say goodbye easier once they still ain't under the legal binding. No binding life sounds irresponsible but in some isolated cases, it agitates people to live easier and freely. It is what life meant to be, easy and free. I love this life!
More than that, cohabitation is important for future spouses. It is illustrated as a testing period of time for two people to measure their harmony. Harmony is prerequisite which decides whether spouses can keep living long-termly or not. Many people who do not have the cohabiting time before marriage feel disappointed after that. I can say the raising divorce rate results in lacking of time getting to know each other before marriage.
Cohabitation and Marriage
Few weeks ago, I wrote an entry entitled "Pre-marital Intimacy", which is incomplete so that I add the missing second part of it.
The term "Co-habitation" in this entry means pre-marital co-habitation or to cohabit without marriage. Due to the fact that this life-style is outdated already in many other countries, Vietnamese people still see it as immoral. In short, cohabitation is unaccredited in such a deeply feudal country because it defies against the culture.
Vietnamese culture disallows people to cohabit before marriage but the national law does not state this life-style illegal. Cohabitation becomes illegal only in the case the joiners are already married to other people. Hence, I will only analyze cohabitation based on safe cases: cohabitants are single in marital status or divorcees. Moreover, cohabitants should be above 16 years old or else they break the national law. Before going deep into analysis, there is one important issue should be clarified here: is cohabitation immoral? Or isn't it?
Moral or Immoral?
From the past, Vietnamese culture allows men to have more than one wife whose average ages could range from 12 to 16---unbelievably young! Nowadays, the country seems to be civilized a little bit since it sets the law in which punishes people who have more than one spouse. In the meantime, the law also claims it is illegal for people to have sex under the age of 16. It is completely contrary to the past, as you can see. But it is funny that if our predecessors see a model of family with multiple spouses whose ages are young is just normal and natural, modern people in current society see it immoral!??
Where does the code of morality originate from? Of course, it is ingrained from generations to generations over the time. It is historical! So why people consider cohabitation and early sex are immoral now? If they insist it is immoral so the predecessors are all immoral, too? Is it funny? Paradoxically, people are living the modern life but they are less open-minded compared to their ancestors. We are having a bigger life, but getting smaller brains.
The truth is that Vietnamese people don't even have ourselves an official, national-widely accredited code of morality at all. What people are keep calling "Morality" is simply a ridiculous concept which is set by a group of people who distractingly state themselves as patronized class in the society. They empower themselves to judge others to be immoral even they don't bother thinking that they are ones who go against their own culture. Over the time, this spontaneous rule becomes prevailing just because many people are too weak to resist it, and they end up unreasonably assenting. Reluctantly.
What I am all implying about is that cohabitation---and of course pre-marital sex, which already proved in previous entry---is NOT immoral. If you do not accept it, just shut your mouth up! Firstly, do not bring "morality" here to support for your own conservative viewpoint. Morality does not concern. Secondly, do not tell me that it is against the national culture because our, aka Vietnamese, culture does accept cohabitation as well as early sex. Looking back the past and learn to appreciate our history!
After all, once cohabitants do not break the laws, no one can have the right to judge them. You can realize there are many bunches of hypocrites in the society who jointly form Vietnam as a hypocritical nation. It is our shame, even you posit it or not.
Why disapproves cohabitation?
Beside the misconception of immorality, people have other reasons to disapprove cohabitation. I myself support some of those.
In general, cohabitation is usually emerging among the young people, especially students. In the limited extent of this entry, I just wanna talk about the young's cohabitation who still not get married. The fact is that many cohabitants still do not prepare themselves necessary knowledge and skills before getting involved into living with another people. Cohabitation results in the increasing rate of abortion, the alarmingly number of self-murderers and other social maladies. All stem from the bad education system, as I already said once in previous entry.
Responsibility is what most cohabitants lack of. Many of them volunteer to cohabit but are not responsible enough to jointly solve when facing difficulties happen. With the thought that they are still not official spouses, they seem to forget to promote their cohabiting lives as happy as possible. Essentially, cohabitation and marriage are the same, the thing differs them is just a wedding---a formal procedure. Apparently, Vietnamese young people distinguish clearly between a spouse and a cohabitant and consequently leads to different attitudes---respect or disrespect---toward the person they are living with. Many blokes view his cohabitants as someone they just are playing with, not their serious relationships which deserve a full respect. They can dump their cohabitants whenever they want, as boys say. I think it is a REAL problem of morality!
Furthermore, many girls who agree to cohabit with their men turn out to be not ready enough. They misconceive the people they live with and only after sharing their lives could they understand how bad their partners are. Being given bad treatment and unfair behaviors, girls feel regretful and easily get both spiritual and physical pains which lead their lives to hell. It is, again, a REAL problem of morality. Society always strikes its unjust prejudice towards women if they have lived with other men before their husbands. Thus, in order to live okay under a feudal society like Vietnam, women who wanna cohabit should be aware of people's criticism and consider whether they can stand on it or not.
Being irresponsible, people easily lose their love affairs after cohabiting. They are open-minded enough to voluntarily cohabit but not open-minded enough to accept their partners' weakness or bad sides revealed during the cohabiting life. They have an illusive hope to make their lives happy when living with their lovers but they are not ready to compromise each other in dealing conflicts. In most of the case of breakups, cohabitants are all defending for their strong, egoistic personalities instead of calming down to sympathize each other. Also, as said, with the thought that they have not married yet, they do not need to preserve the relationship and end up ruining it once they realize how different they are. Easy comes, easy goes.
All of the above issues to say that many young people are having troubles with their attitudes of cohabitation. Lack of knowledge to have a safe sex leads to bad consequences afterward, lack of necessary responsibility leads to inevitable breakup, lack of sympathy and respect to each other and so on. No wonder why people disapprove cohabitation.
Think seriously before you react!
Why approves cohabitation?
However, cohabitation has good side. It is a sign of love's sublimation to which a couple show each other. Cohabitation makes people be closer and sometime it is a memorable time in one's life. Love-based cohabitation is romantic and very special for lovers to get to know each other better, as well as to experience their harmony. Life is harsh and sometime we need someone stays beside us, cohabitation is ideal this way! Still, cohabitation can teach people to be responsible since they are not living for their own but for others, too.
Practically, cohabitation also solves a very big deal to most of the adolescents: sex need. Yes, sex need! People need and want sex, by cohabiting they satisfy their basic instinct. It is natural to the up-growth of human being and I have no idea but to support it.
Cohabitation without official wedding is convenient. Many married people get stuck in their marriage since they don't feel good being with their partners, but fear of divorcing due to the social prejudice. Cohabitation is great this way, people can say goodbye easier once they still ain't under the legal binding. No binding life sounds irresponsible but in some isolated cases, it agitates people to live easier and freely. It is what life meant to be, easy and free. I love this life!
More than that, cohabitation is important for future spouses. It is illustrated as a testing period of time for two people to measure their harmony. Harmony is prerequisite which decides whether spouses can keep living long-termly or not. Many people who do not have the cohabiting time before marriage feel disappointed after that. I can say the raising divorce rate results in lacking of time getting to know each other before marriage.
Cohabitation and Marriage
I have a very interesting case supports for the entry, here it is [link]. Published in Dantri (a cheap Vietnamese e-tabloid), the article tells us about a couple who has decided to cohabit since the student time when they were studying aboard, until when they are back to Vietnam and working. They seem to go well until the man wants to get married with his cohabitant. Surprisingly, she refuses as she tells wedding is not important since they are living just fine together. The man feels upset, and he is under pressure of his parents since they are too old and all they want is to see him gets married and has babies. Typical feudal style of parents in Vietnam. The man gets in dilemma in which he can not even find a way to get outta which results in the couple's lack of explicit conversation to exchange their wants and needs. No wonder their relationship will be broken. It is an archetypal example of most common problem for any cohabitation.
Here, I raise a question, is a marriage important? Come back to my old entry to read my viewpoint of Vietnamese traditional wedding, and the way to facilitate it: [link]
Back to the case, when the woman insists it is fine for her to keep living together with the man, and she agrees to have babies due to the man's, and his parents', needs and wants, but he still does not feel satisfied. He needs a wedding to declare their official matrimony while she views it unnecessary. The fact that she is totally right. Why needs a wedding to declare their matrimony? It is real that they have been living together for years and they can be considered spouses already. A wedding doesn't help at all in making things be better. Such a matter of attitude people often misconceive; marriage is too much being over-estimated.
Vietnamese people still view non-married cohabitants is eccentric and rebellious. Marriage has bad sides itself, so many people fear of it. More and more misogamists are becoming a group of people in the society and forms an emerging life-style which is being followed by a number of young people. Is it bad or good, you answer it yourself!
Anyway, I just wanna say that cohabitation is human's natural right, do not judge it or fuss too much. Be responsible is all you should be, before considering cohabitation. If you think you do the right thing, just do not care to society's criticism. It is not worth.
05:27 pm
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